I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
