Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
