So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
