I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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