Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
