it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Your dad touched me again.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize