like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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