You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
