I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
