Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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