lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
