im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
