Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
