I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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