Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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