girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
