My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
