he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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