He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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