it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
