Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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