you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
