summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
