We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
