Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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