I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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