I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
