I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
