I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
