The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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