you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
