The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.