dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
