she woke up with a sticky ear
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
