Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
