don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
