I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
