38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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