My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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