So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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