I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
