the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.