I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest