In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!