Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out