Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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