this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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