dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
