He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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