At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
