I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
