He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
vagina is talking i cant
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
