dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
