my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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