And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
