i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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