So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
