i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize