hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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