i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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