You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
