I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
