Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
