yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
