I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
