Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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