i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
