So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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