I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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