Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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