The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
