He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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