Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
false alarm, still single
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
