Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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