I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
