she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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