Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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