Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
