3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
